Operation Debate Victory

Guest Post by Doctor Biobrain

During an on-going debate with our most dreaded of arch-nemeses, Dr. Donald Douglas, fellow nihilist Deranged Leftwing Baker expressed wonder at my ability to withstand Douglas's superior debate techniques, such as when he exposed that I am an "atheistic nihilist and despicable vermin."  While in the past, such stratagems would surely have forced any nihilist to shriek like a Texas-dragged polecat and remain cornered in their own mental feces; I was actually able to hold my own against the Big Dog, and even post a rebuttal without crying much.

And you know what?  It wasn't even difficult.  My secret is that I am currently using an experimental nihilist auto-filter software which proactively removes all nouns, adjectives, and verbs from any sentence written by a courageous patriot living in reality. And so I was able to withstand Douglas's objectivist onslaught simply because I had no idea he had written any such thing.

For example, Donald's recent post attacking yours truly shows up on my computer as:

Dr. Biobrain, in his, has on our "" over the Democratic Party's. He, however, a that's of the you'll there, "Upper-Class Idiots." As always, I'm at the of with to the Obama administration's to. The at Lawyers, Guns and Money even a, "Working Hard or Hardly Working?"  And here's the:

As you can see, with this software in place, it is absolutely impossible for even a logical mastermind like Dr. Douglas to penetrate my forcefield of subjective denialism.  And so I can safely taunt the good doctor for having written gibberish, without fear that his superior intellect could possibly expose any ruse on my part; because I'm actually telling the truth!  There's no way Donald could possibly expect that from a lying rejectionist like myself.

Useful Science

And believe it or not, we were able to do this once we discovered that "science" can actually be used for more than just undermining humanity.  It can also teach us stuff too!

This particular software was reverse-engineered from a natural algorithm that we discovered ingrained inside the brains of all conservatives, which is what enables them to endure the relentless misinformation our postmodern education system blasts at all citizens from birth.  Yes, we have finally uncovered how conservatives were able to withstand the socialist indoctrination hidden within Sesame Street and the Teletubbies.

Naturally, we are also working on a counter-measure in an effort to subvert this process and throw them all into a deep state of confusion and dependency.  So far, it's only been successfully used on RNC Chairman Michael Steele and former President George Bush, once formidable intellects who we have reduced to babbling heaps of stupid.  But further work is required before we can apply these techniques to a more generalized audience.  And some of our experiments with Oxycontin were obvious backfires, as it only increased their ability to block out our disorientating deceptions.

Unfortunately, the auto-filter software I used to deflect Dr. Douglas's superior argumentation is still in the testing phase, but we plan to start rolling it out soon. It should be automatically uploaded to every computer on Obama's campaign mailing list in time for his plan to force all children under the age of eighteen to attend University American Freedom, where they will be fortunate enough to be taught The One True Education. This will be done simultaneously with our nationwide ban on all weapons as well as the reinstatement of martial law. So we definitely need to make sure all the bugs are out by mid-April.  

I'm not sure who the genius was who choose our busiest time of year to unveil such a complex plan, but if it was Master Obama, I'm sure he had an excellent reason for doing so.  And I suppose it really will make things easier to convince people of the joys of a 102% tax rate when done in conjunction with our annual Obama Day celebrations.  I can't wait!