Cuban Training Day

Guest Post by Doctor Biobrain

The commies are coming, my friends, and not a moment too soon. As I'm sure you've already heard, after the public relations disaster of allowing cowardly American Naval assassins to murder three brave Somalian pirates instead of the other way around, Obama decided to score a quick coup for nihilism by tearing down the seemingly invincible Cuban Wall that Bush metaphorically placed between our two nations; thus, saving Caribbean communism from the imminent extinction that was five decades in the making.

And the outcome of Obama's move is quite apparent: While America is still reeling from Obama's trifecta of excessive taxation, absurdist regulation, and an overall feeling that our modern John Gaits are about to be rounded up and shot for being overly entrepreneurial, this latest policy will send billions upon billions of hard-earned American dollars into Castro's money-shredding machine; thus doing further damage to the once stellar economy President Bush left us with. (And yes, that's meant literally. Fidel Castro has a machine in his office that can shred up to 10,000 bills a day. This is where we obtain one of the primary ingredients for the gruel that's served in your daily rations; which means that the food you eat was once worth more than you make in an entire year! Yet another perk of being a nihilist.)

But that's just the first part of the equation. The more important part comes with our renewed ability to send millions of nihilist agents to Cuba in order to train them for the eventual takeover of our once proud nation. Indeed, your orders are being drawn up as we speak and you should all be receiving airline itineraries and instructions in the mail by the end of the week. And before you know it, you'll be amongst your denialist brethren, basking in the glow of anti-American hatred that you've heard so much about.

And needless to say, the voluntary nature of Obama's wonderfully traitorous policy will be rescinded within half a year and before they know it, Americans everywhere will be forced to tithe 65% of their earnings to Castro, as well as having the privilege of watching their children forced into newly commandeered cruise ships for Cuba-bound re-education voyages. Five years in the Caribbean never looked so good...for us.

And in our final move, which will be implemented during the season formerly known as Christmas, Obama will announce the immediate importation of all Cubans into our borders, and in the spirit of caring and sharing, they will be given top positions throughout all state and local governments. After all, giving them jobs in the only sector of our economy that Obama isn't destroying is just the right thing to do after what we did to them for all these years. And I, for one, welcome our Cuban overlords with open arms.