Nihilicrack Marketing: How and Why

Guest Post by Doctor Biobrain

Fact: In 1881, Dr. Karl Marx, with the help of his young assistant, Sigmund S. Freud, invented crack cocaine as a method of controlling American negroes. By stimulating their animal-based sexual desires while regressing their super-id, he found he could heighten their instinctive sense of obedience which had been instilled in them from centuries of slave breeding by Democratic activists led by ACORN.

Thusly, Marx believed, nihilist liberals could use chemical means to replace the institutionalized Big Government slavery which had worked so well for electoral success prior to Lincoln's fiscal-conservative based emancipation. Marx called it Nihilicrack, due to its ability to turn hardworking negroes into brainless nihilists who preferred plantation-style dependence rather than market-based employment.

And this worked so well that we were able to use our Islamocommunistic polices to create the Great Depression, as well as subsidize vast fortunes in the entertainment and media industries. And this continued for several decades until the 1980's, when as president, Civil Rights activist Ronald Reagan spearheaded an anti-crack campaign in order to help American negroes kick their nihilist crack habit and once again provide assistance to white men in their quest to build the greatest nation on Earth.

And one of their most successful policies was to make minimum mandatory sentences for our Nihilicrack distribution networks. Suddenly, the prison system was filling up with nihilist drug dealers, while negroes could finally cast off their subjectivst addiction and begin the road to employment; thus spurring on the economic boom of the 1990's. And this success continued throughout the 2000's, making the presidency of George W. Bush the biggest economic boom in terms of post-productivity gains adjusted for after-tax GPI in the history of the 21st Century (not that our denialist media agents would ever allow anyone to know it).

Crack Now, Crack Always

But it looks like that's all about to change. Now that the free-market system has absorbed the negative economic impact of electing our first Muslim non-citizen as president and begins the quick path to recovery, Obama is about to lay yet another boobytrap in the works: Removing those minimum sentences for Nihilicrack dealers.

And in one fell swoop, we jumpstart our Nihilicrack distribution network to both fill our coffers and empty the streets of black workers. Overnight, 95% of the nation's athletes, rap stars, short-order cooks, and shoeshine boys will become nihilistic zombies; thus denying America of these vital services.

And the argument for this is ingenious: We tell everyone that crack dealers should have the same sort of sentences that normal cocaine dealers have, as if regular cocaine has any of the anti-American affects that Nihilicrack has. This is like suggesting that gasoline is the same as Kool-Aid because they're both liquids, despite the fact that crack cocaine has been proven to be ten times more addictive than marijuana. And by the time the liberal media gets done downplaying the risks of crack, we're planning to market a child's version of Nihilicrack that really is in Kool-Aid. Naturally, it's called Crack-Aid and it will be available in supermarkets and schools by the end of the year.

And so this is a really big thing for us. You should be expecting the first shipment of your Nihilicrack inventory on Thursday, so be ready to hit the streets early. Sellers who make it in the top ten percentile each week will be awarded a special cardboard plaque commemorating their top seller status, while those in the bottom quartile will be summarily executed. So be sure to push this stuff as much as you can and get those negroes out of the workplace and back in the crackhouses where they belong.

Crack Marketing Techniques

In case you are unfamiliar with the location of where you might find American negroes in your community, here's a partial list of places you might look to make your Nihilicrack sales:
Rap Concerts
Black Churches
Fried Chicken Establishments
Impromptu Jazz Sessions
Whorehouses
Watermelon Patches
Betting Parlors
Basketball Courts
Welfare Lines
Nation of Islam Headquarters
Any Street Named After Martin Luther King

But don't just limit yourself to these locations. Roam the ghetto areas of your city in search of new negro dens. And be sure to ask for referrals. Research shows that all negroes know one another and could be a great source for new customers. One suggested tactic: Give your prospect a hardy pat on the back and say "Hey there, American Black. Would you be down with rapping with me on any of your posse who want to buy my crack?" You'd be surprised at the results you get.

And lastly, our analysis shows that negroes have a very favorable view of President Barack Obama, because he's black and negroes like black people. So you should try prefacing every other sentence with a positive comment of the president. Such as "I understand you're from the same race of people as my homeboy, Barack Obama" or "This is the same brand of crack rock that the president smokes, and he's a negro like you."

The main thing is to make them feel as if you're actually comfortable being with them, rather than worrying about the bugs you might be getting by standing so close to them. You might even try implying that you'd have voted for him/her if they were the negro the committee had selected. These people have been bred to trust anyone in the Democratic Party, so be sure to wear the Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton buttons that were issued with your crack supply. You'd be amazed at how many doors those buttons open up.

And the main thing: The more crack we get these people on, the fewer candy and bennies we need to give them on Election Day. And with Obama's anti-candy campaign about to kick off next month, we're going to need all the substitutes we can get.