Obama Independence Day!!!

Guest Post by Doctor Biobrain

I just got back from the 1st Annual Obama Independence Day and Pig Party at the Whitehouse, and let me tell you, those were absolutely the best rimjobs I've ever received. Wow, you guys really outdid yourselves. Comrade Supremo Biden in particular was in rare form, so much so that Kim Jung Il himself was heard to exclaim "Holy damn, that was a fine ass rimjob, Joe!" And he'd be the guy to know.

And what a way to commemorate the day in which Obama finally became independent of the so-called "Checks & Balances" that had supposedly hindered him, by declaring himself the fourth branch of government; Supreme to all other branches of anything. Now that he has the power to do everything, we'll finally be able to institutionalize the Stalin Shariah laws Obama secretly promised us on the campaign trail.

And the whole thing was a great idea on Obama's part. I'm not sure why no one had ever thought of celebrating any festivity in the first week of July, but this is the kind of event that will go down in the New History books as a celebratorium to end all celebratoriums. Yes sir, indeed. This country has never celebrated any other festivity on this date, and anyone who suggests otherwise is a lying piece of capitalist who isn't even worthy of the severe beatings they'll receive at FEMA's newly established Obamacamps all summer long.

And so bust out the grills for some toasty gruel rations, and make sure to smoke some dirt to save for the rest of the month. Due to certain efficiencies Obama implemented in accordance to Das Kapital, our next ration delivery won't be until August 15, at the earliest. So you'll really want that dirt to last until then. And we all know that's a very, very good thing Obama did.
Happy Obama Independence Day, y'all!