Since the beginning of time, the sole purpose of the human race was to protect Yahweh's greatest gift to man: The Female Vagina. This is because female vaginas help God help us to procreate and expand upon his creation, plus they're very very sexy. But thanks to the hard work of Commander Supreme Barack Sidney Obama and you, his loyal minions, the whole rape ballgame's gone topsy-turvy, where you can't tell the rapists from the victims and everyone will be raped for at least fifteen minutes.
That's right. Obama has decreed the new existence of Male Rape. So strap on your strap-ons and hope you're the one who ends up on top, because it'll sure be a lot more fun than the other way around.
For Over Eighty Years
As Official Obama mouthpiece TPM says:
On Friday, the Justice Department did something it hasn’t done since 1929: it changed the definition of rape.
For over 80 years, for the purposes of crime collection data, rape was defined as forcible male penile penetration of a female. This excluded a vast number of sexual crimes including oral and anal penetration, or instances when a victim was unable to give consent. The new definition makes up for these oversights. It also expands the definition to reflect that anyone — male, female, or transgender — can be a victim of rape.Holy crapshoot, Batman! By these standards, not only can two people rape each other simultaneously, but a transgendered individual could actually rape itself. And if the idea of that isn't warming the heart of your shriveled little nihilist penis, I don't know what will.
And what's the purpose of this? Why now? Wouldn't it be safer to go all buck wild on the norms of society after Obama outlaws democracy and orders the slaughter of all Methodists? Yes, it definitely would. But once Obama unleashes his Kenyan Rape Crews upon an unsuspecting nation next Election Day, this will probably make a lot more sense to you. After all, you're not really the victim if they're screaming louder than you; at least not according to this new regulation.
And that is why we've awarded Male Rape as the Nihilist of the Day, because Supreme Commander Obama ordered us to; and that's a good thing. In honor of this momentous occasion, gruel rations will be cut in half for the foreseeable future. Nihilism Forever!